I try too hard to be liked when I am just being myself.

Your statement about trying too hard to be liked, even when being yourself, reveals an interesting contradiction. Let’s break it down using the 11 guiding principles of The ‘Chill’ Mindset:

1. Based on Principle #8: Accuracy and Precision: The issue here could stem from overthinking. Are you truly being yourself, or are you subconsciously tailoring your behaviour to fit what you think others expect? True authenticity doesn’t require over-calibration. (For example, laughing at jokes you don’t find funny might feel like “being friendly,” but it’s actually a way of fitting in.)
2. Based on Principle #5: Avoid Embarrassment: Trying too hard can create the opposite effect. If you’re overly concerned with how others perceive you, it can lead to a performance rather than genuine connection, which might feel inauthentic to both you and others. (For example, constantly seeking compliments or agreement can make interactions feel strained.)
3. Based on Principle #10: Trust and Preparation: Confidence in your natural self takes preparation, reflection, and trust in your core values. If you’re authentic, the people who genuinely resonate with you will like you without extra effort. (For example, sticking to your own opinions rather than mirroring someone else’s shows self-assurance.)

To provide yourself with a better way of thinking aligned with the guiding principles, focus on shifting your mindset to reinforce clarity, confidence, and authenticity without overthinking or overcompensating. Here’s how you can guide your thoughts:

1. Based on Principle #1: Thoughtfulness and Correctness: Instead of worrying about being liked, think about being respectful and considerate in your interactions. Focus on kindness and empathy, which are universally valued. (For example, focus on making someone smile rather than worrying about whether they like you.)
2. Based on Principle #8: Accuracy and Precision: Avoid self-doubt by recognising the difference between self-expression and seeking validation. Remind yourself that not everyone’s opinion matters. (For example, tell yourself, “I am enough as I am” when overthinking how others perceive you.)
3. Based on Principle #9: Structured and Organised Thinking: Practise mindfulness to organise your thoughts. This allows you to respond authentically without the anxiety of performing. Use journaling to clarify your feelings and intentions. (For example, write down situations where you felt you were “trying too hard” and identify the triggers.)
4. Based on Principle #6: Valuing Processes: Shift focus from outcomes (being liked) to the process (being your best self). Enjoy the moment instead of worrying about others’ reactions. (For example, enjoy a conversation for its substance, not for how well you think you’re being received.)
5. Based on Principle #10: Trust in Yourself: Develop self-trust by reflecting on what makes you uniquely “you.” What are your values, strengths, and passions? Trust that the right people will connect with you for those qualities. (For example, if you value honesty, speak your truth without worrying about judgment.)

In summary, a better way of thinking is to focus on who you are rather than what others think. By emphasising thoughtful, structured self-reflection and valuing authenticity over approval, you can confidently express yourself and let the right people gravitate towards you naturally.